Requited Jealousy
by Morphine Dementia
Summary: Kanda's sick and tired of Lavi flirting with random people, so his crazy... friends decide to get him on a date with someone else to make Lavi jealous. It just happens to be an obsessive lovestruck stalker named Alma. LaviYu, AU, humour, Lavi/Kanda, onesided Alma/Kanda.


**AN:** This fic is a prize for the winner of the LaviYu Fest's ( thelaviyufesthq . livejournal .com ) colouring contest, **kresiana** ( kresiana . livejournal .com )! Summarized prompt: _High school comedy theme with cute; location - London. Lavi and Yuu are dating but constantly fight about Lavi being too flirtatious around other people. Allen is both of their's friend, and when Kanda's complaint eventually reaches him, he suggests trying going out with someone else to make Lavi jealous. That someone else turns out to be Alma, who of course feels Lavi's jealousy very soon. And, of course, Lavi runs to complain to Allen and ask him how to get his precious Yuu back, and Allen starts regretting involving himself in this whole drama thing..._

Oh and I won't be trying to avoid typical high school setting cliches, because I think it adds to the crack and this was requested to be humorous.. So have principle!Komui and some surprise roles that I expect will make you laugh~ Hope this is at least close to what you wanted and that you and everyone else who reads this like it!

P.S. So this turns out to be my first chainbreaker when it comes to fic titles - I've been planning to stop using songnames all the time a while ago, but out of all those fics this turned out to be the first one to get finished and published. There will be more like this, there'll be more songfics - I'll just go with what I feel is fitting from now on!

**Warnings:** Kanda's language, creepy lovesick stalkers, and.. Twilight?

::

::

_**REQUITED JEALOUSY**_

::

Kanda repeatedly stabbed the chopsticks into his lunch, his narrowed dark eyes closely following one single person at the other side of the school cafeteria who was having an all too friendly chat with a couple of girls. Normally he would just keep it at brief glances, but it has gotten to the point where he didn't really care if anyone else saw he was looking. It wasn't news anymore, after all.

Him and Lavi dating, that is.

Unfortunately, back when they just got together, he didn't quite know just how much of a cheeky bastard the redhead was - not that he really minded him being annoying or clingy anymore, really. In fact, in his eyes, that was a part of Lavi's charm. He no longer got angry when the redhead draped himself over him or snatched a kiss in the middle of the hallway, and that was probably good, because they were, more or less, an item now.

He had even gotten used to the harassment and flirting.

Not when it was directed at someone else, though.

And for some reason, Lavi just kept doing that, no matter how many times Kanda told him to cut it the fuck out. Sure, it was who he was, somewhat. And maybe, just maybe the flirting wasn't all that bad. Just.. talking to people, making them laugh, that sort of thing. But the redhead was Kanda's, and he disregarded it, and the Japanese couldn't help but get increasingly annoyed at all the instances when Lavi would once again engage himself in an all too familiar chatter with someone who was _not_, unlike Kanda, his boyfriend. And there was a certain line that couldn't be crossed.

And Kanda was never famous for having admirable, magnificent, steel patience.

So when after another five minutes of Lavi's attention being _too_ focused on someone who wasn't him, he got up, marched to the redhead and _accidentally_ toppled and emptied his tray over the latter's head, covering him in the remains of his lunch (soba and really hot sauce, mostly, as he had already finished his tea). Or maybe not that accidentally, since he snarled "Consider yourself single" after throwing his food at the redhead, and stomped off, annoyance practically flying sparks from him.

Of course, the rabbit trotted after him as soon as he shook off the shock and the noodles, whining and pouting and staring at him with puppy eyes, declaring eternal love and service along with massive, circling yet not very persuading apology, and of course causing everyone around to fucking _stare_.

"But Yuuuuuu!" he actually _cried_, tugging on Kanda's sleeve and obviously faking a lip quiver. "I love you so much! You can't break my heart like this! There's no reason to get mad, none at all. Please?"

The Japanese hissed silently, the last thing he wanted was a scene in the school hallway and that was exactly what Lavi was doing (and no, throwing food at people was _not_ making a scene, shut up). And, even though his irritation was only growing now, the actual anger already started subsiding.

And he suddenly felt some sort of pity for the poor bastard, genuine, loving pity that made him disgust himself, and he mumbled a line of words most of which included "che", "fine", "whatever" and "don't do that again or I'll _really_ fucking dump you". The effect the idiot had on him was almost scary, and he already regretted his forgiveness but it was too late as the redhead was already smothering him in a hug and emphasizingly kissing whatever he could reach what was mostly clothes (if he had done that to Kanda's _boots_, it would have made so much more sense to go _this_ easy on him. Oh well).

So in the end they were once again where they started: officially together, unofficially Kanda urging to kill or at least castrate Lavi for his antics half of the time. The other half of the time was really lovely though - of course, otherwise they wouldn't have been together - but there were constant quarrels like this one over the one and same thing, and Kanda realized he had no patience nor consideration to deal with it any further. And he couldn't imagine why he should anyway, because Lavi was his boyfriend and not some single careless weasel who would sniff any pretty ass of either gender, what he apparently loved doing - not literally of course. It had to stop, and Kanda had to think of something that would _finally_ make the redhead understand, because telling him to "fucking stop doing this" obviously wasn't working.

And eventually - the eventually took rather long because Kanda wasn't the brightest bulb in the closet - he realized what he should have, at least to save another gallon of nerves, a good while ago: he could try to get by with a little help from his friends. Not that he ever asked for help nor really had many friends either, but just maybe it was just the thing he needed in this case.

And so he headed for the only person he could talk about such things to, the person who had been his best friend since forever and who knew of him and Lavi. Her name was Lenalee.

::

The journey wasn't quite as pleasant as one might think, though. And mostly because once he passed the cafeteria again, he was caught by his arm - by a very drunk and booze-and-tobacco-reeking janitor - and dragged to the principle, since he had broken school property while tossing around his lunch, not to mention the mess it did on the floor and the said janitor wasn't too keen of cleaning, apparently.

Oh and, if that wasn't enough, the janitor's tag read "Cross", and he was the uncle of Allen Walker, commonly known as Beansprout, who was, technically, Kanda's most hated friend (yes, he didn't know either). Connecting how annoying and pain-in-the-ass both "Cross" and Sprout could be, nobody could possibly doubt those two were relatives. And, of course, Kanda had imaginary personal agenda against them both.

"Go to the principal," the janitor barked, letting go of Kanda and puffing smoke at his face as they were just outside of the office's door.

"Go fuck yourself," Kanda snarled, making sure not to breathe because not only he hated cigarettes, this guy's breath also had beansprout cooties.

Unfortunately, right then the door opened, and a very tired looking principal's assistant stuck his head out, nearly losing his ears to the wave of cursing that was spilling from two people right next to him. He sighed. "Gentlemen, please shut up and if you were waiting for something the headmaster will see you now," he muttered rather quietly, as if it was the same for him whether they heard him or not. Really, he just looked like he needed to sleep.

The janitor used the opportunity to get rid of Kanda by shoving him through the door, and there he was, the principal office.

He was met by a mildly disappointed look of the headmaster of London's Black Order High School, who was of course none other but Komui Lee, the brother of his best friend, who once again was looking at Kanda over his glasses for who knows which time, as if saying the Japanese could start behaving and not end up here so often for a change. That was reflected by his words as well, it was just a tired "What was it this time?".

"Disciplining the idiot," Kanda stated and crossed his arms. Yes, he was fully aware that most anyone else would have gotten kicked out by now with that thick of a misbehaviour file, but screw rules, he had connections. After all, the principal was his best friend's brother and one of the teachers was his guardian. And even if he didn't have that, he wouldn't have acted any differently from now, because that simply was the way he acted.

Sometimes he wondered why his "loving papa" still haven't stuck him into a military school.

Komui looked at him, obviously expecting a bit more of an explanation, and Kanda looked back at him, obviously believing what he said was more than enough. After few moments of silence, the principal spoke again.

"Did you injure anyone?"

The Japanese boy cocked an eyebrow and then shook his head, because really, he haven't. He just.. broke some inanimate objects, that was all. Yeah.

Apparently the older man decided it was good enough and muttered "Alright, you can go" before returning to examining the book in front of him with strange melancholy which looked like he borrowed it from his always sleep-deprived assistant.

So Kanda left, walking past a very displeased janitor who obviously hoped he would get expelled without any sign of recognition, and went to get his advice.

::

"I'm.. not sure," Lenalee mumbled puzzledly, fixing her checked skirt, and put a finger to her lips. "I mean, is he doing that on purpose? Maybe you're overreacting a little?"

Kanda met that suggestion with a deathglare. "Don't you know him?" he insisted, huffing and folding his arms. They were sitting outside on a small plaid of Lenalee's, and there were more similar ones around where students were eating their lunch in the open air, though none were close enough to overhear them. There were some nice flowers nearby and a tree was casting a shadow on them. "Have I ever made you doubt me?"

Lenalee shrugged a little, smiling. That's true, Kanda was trustworthy most of the time, but sometimes he could get rather.. sensitive over the silliest things. Like his hair. She still remembered him running into her classroom almost frantically and plead-demanding a hairtie because he had lost his own during the physical education lesson. "Not that I remember," she said neutrally and patted his shoulder, something not many were allowed to do. "But you see, with my brother being.. how he is and all, I'm afraid I don't really know that much about relationships."

"Well, neither do I," Kanda grumbled bitterly. "Great."

They sat in silence for a few moments, then Lenalee smiled brightly, raising a finger. "But," she chirped cheerfully, "I know someone who might know more!"

"I'm not talking about such things with strangers."

"Come on, don't be so tense! It's our friend! I'm sure he'll be glad to help!"

"Oh really." Kanda was beginning to suspect something bad. "And who would that be?"

Another beaming smile. "Allen, of course."

A frustrated groan. "Fuck, no. No way in hell. NO."

"Yes. You just said you want help, didn't you? He's not that very experienced himself, but his uncle is a real woman charmer despite of his, uh, flaws, and since they've lived together for ages Allen knows surprisingly much from him and could surely give some advice about-"

"Did you hear what I just said? Read my lips: NO."

Lenalee scoffed, what was a sign of danger. "Now you're just being stubborn," she stated. "You wouldn't be against it if it was anyone else." Kanda didn't oppose that opinion, and Lenalee gripped his ear, twisting it slightly. "Come on." She gripped her bag and pulled the twitching Japanese up. "Let's go."

Kanda had no choice but to obey.

And as soon as he saw the white-haired boys almost-evil expression and Lenalee explained things and nudged him to say what was the problem, he was already regretting it.

::

"Never thought a day would come when Bakanda runs to me for help," Allen chuckled darkly, and Kanda rolled up his sleeves as a preparation for the beating he was going to deliver.

Neither of them noticing Lenalee's smile twitch slightly before she clenched her both fists respectively and SMACKED.

"So, I think I have an idea," after five minutes Allen was still rubbing his head where Lenalee's lovepunch had landed. Kanda was doing the same, twitching a little but not complaining either, for the lovesmack was always unquestionable.

"What is it?" he just grumbled, while Lenalee was beaming at them both in a slightly threatening way which had to read as PLAY NICE.

Allen smirked somewhat slyly. "Well, if Lavi lets his attention wander, he probably feels too.. _safe_ about you," he explained with the face of a true expert. "So, if you want him to put some effort into your relationship again, the best bet would be to stir his jealousy a little."

"What?" Kanda was more surprised than anything, but Allen immediately took it as a sign the Japanese needed a dumbed-down version of what he just said.

"Go out with someone else," he stated simply.

The Japanese just stared at him for a few moments, then shook his head. "That can't be right, I'm going out with Lavi," he pointed out bitterly. He wasn't interested in starting another relationship, dammit, he just wanted Lavi back all to himself. How could that possibly work?

Allen rolled his eyes slightly. "I meant as in, just a simple date, not actually.. hooking up," he explained a little irritatedly. He had no idea Kanda could be such a baby about some things - okay, maybe he had, but it was still annoying.

"What do you take me for?" Kanda now actually looked offended. Kanda Yu did not just go on dates with random people. The Beansprout sighed.

"I was talking about just spending time together, you muppet! Like.. going to a movie or something. Heck, use your underdeveloped sociopathic brain-" he yelped and silenced, rubbing his head again as Lenalee delivered yet another whack.

Kanda cocked an eyebrow. "Mu- whatever, not like I care." He got up annoyedly and motioned for the door.

Allen flailed a little as Lenalee embedded her elbow into his side. "Wait, Kanda! You can even ask a friend to help or something - er, if you have any - I mean, you don't even have to -" Kanda tore the door open and stepped out. "I'll set something up, don't worry!" Allen chirped after him as the door slammed, suddenly actually looking rather interested in a matchmaker's role, unfortunately at the moment the Japanese didn't sense anything dangerous from that change.

Lenalee didn't know why exactly Allen was emitting dark aura right now, but she could guess that whatever he had in mind for Kanda, would definitely be something the latter doesn't like one bit.

Even though, the next day, Kanda did admit to her that the idea wasn't too bad and he would go with it, if it helps to make Lavi less obnoxious.

::

When Kanda opened his door on a Saturday morning, he found an idiot with a smiling face, black short hair and a huge bouquet of red roses behind it. He twitched heavily, because he didn't find it amusing one bit, and slammed the door in the moron's face. He had told him it would never work between them, plus now he had Lavi, and here is the dunce, behind his door and looking thoroughly ready for a romantic day. Unfortunately, Kanda wasn't known for his patience, so after getting thoroughly annoyed by twenty minutes of knocking that just wouldn't _go away_, he opened the door again, actually intending to talk this time, but firstly just _glaring_.

"What the fuck do you want, Alma?" he finally growled, when the routine of GLARE from his side and GRIN from the retard's seemed to get strangely old and unproductive. "Didn't I tell you to get lost the last time, you crazy fag-ass stalker?"

Alma met the unwelcoming greeting with a beaming smile and held the flowers out. Cut flowers, Kanda noted, Lavi would know he doesn't like cut flowers. "Allen called me yesterday and said you were looking for a date because things weren't smooth with Lavi," he practically cooed, and when his eyes opened to look at Kanda, it almost sparkled with glee, because he obviously thought 'things not being smooth with Lavi' meant he had another chance at trying and making the Japanese reconsider him. "I figured you need to cheer up a bit, just spend a nice day or something. So I thought I could help you out, don't forget we're also friends~"

In front of Kanda's disbelieving eyes, he pulled out a box of sweets and a small gift bag, holding it all out together with the flowers towards him, grinning innocently and just radiating some sort of _loving_ vibes.

Kanda twitched severely and punched Alma in the face - he didn't want to trample the flowers by slamming the door, it wasn't their fault - with a malicious expression, then slumping against the doorframe realizing right now he had no way of getting rid of the guy other than actually going somewhere with him, not to mention that he did want to make Lavi a little jealous so it was best to carry through with the plan - but sweet lord in hell, why _HIM_ of all people?

Beansprout was _so_ going to _die_.

His twitchy evil plots were interrupted by snivelling next to him, and that, of course, was Alma. Oh. Kanda had almost forgotten he was there for a moment. Touche. "Why are you always so violent, Yu?" the idiot grumbled, rubbing his nose, and for a moment looked like he was going to punch the Japanese back - he immediately thought about Lavi for some reason, and how he'd always take the abuse with nothing more but just looking miserable - but then just sighed. And smiled again, placing an arm around Kanda. "So, how about it?"

"...Wait," Kanda said dryly, pushing Alma off to the distance of an arm and digging out his cellphone. He wasn't even sure why he had Beansprout's number because he definitely didn't think of him as someone he'd like to ever call, no, but at the moment it was a good thing. So he scrolled through the names until "Beansprout Walker" lit up on the screen - yes, for all he cared that was the albino's name - and dialled, ignoring Alma's slightly confused look.

Calling, calling, calling- there.

"Yes?" Sprout's tone so sleepy it was more than obviously fake. The fucker was just reluctant to pick up. Pause, almost as if someone nudged him. "How's the date coming along?"

Kanda made a pause of emphasizing for a couple of moments after the other line went silent. "WHY THE HELL IS ALMA KARMA AT MY DOORSTEP?" he snarled, almost yelling, at the mobile, holding it so tightly his hand almost trembled. Positively angry there, yup. "WHAT THE SHIT WERE YOU THINKING, BEANSPROUT?"

Alma grimaced a bit and stuck a finger into his ear, because this definitely deafened him a little. Yu tended to talk about him as if he wasn't there, but it wasn't his fault he lacked proper manners, really, it wasn't, and he was still really lovely and good, deep, deep, deep, deep, DEEP down. Maybe.

The Beansprout on the other line didn't seem amused.

"The name is Allen," came a snarl back. "You could at least show some gratitude, Bakanda. I have a thousand better things to do than waste time on your gaydrama-"

"SAY WHAT? STAY WHERE YOU ARE. I'M COMING TO BLOODY KILL YOU."

Evil ring in Walker's voice. "With the killing of those who help you again, Bakanda? You should really see a therapist about that."

"SHUT THE FUCK UP OR-"

"NO, YOU-"

Sounds of fighting, whacking, and there was Lenalee's voice on the line.

"Kanda, stop being so stubborn. We're trying to help you!"

Kanda nearly dropped his mobile in shock. "Lenalee?" Yes, it was her alright. Next to Walker...wherever he was. "What are you doing there?" ...if Beansprout used his dirty tricks to seduce her or something, he would die _twice_.

A small Lenalee-is-angry hiss, and Kanda straightened up as a soldier in front of a general. "We're working on the plans to help you with Lavi, of course," when Lenalee sounded this sweet it was obvious she would hit him if she could. Thank gods for phones. It was creepy really, and reminded of the vibes Sprout's smiles often gave off. And the thought of those two being similar was the creepiest of it all, please no. "You could at least try and not ruin it while at it. You should thank Alma for helping, too."

Kanda's unbelieving gaze averted to the blinking idiot next to him, and then his expression turned blank. "I'm pretty sure he's doing that for his own purposes," he hissed poisonously. "You people really weren't thinking straight."

"Why would we think straight when sorting out an issue of a homosexual couple? No offence there, of course. Now look, we're setting it up so that you and Alma would go to the same movie as us and Lavi, so we would meet 'unexpectedly' and-"

"What? Lavi? No way. He'll see me!"

"Well, that's the point, isn't it?" Lenalee sounded almost scolding. "How do you think he's going to get jealous if he doesn't see you with another guy? That's the plan."

"..."

"Oh and the movie starts at 15 PM, Alma knows the details, so just... spend some time with him until then, yeah? I didn't know he'll show up that early."

Great. Kanda nearly dropped the mobile again. He was supposed to entertain the sexual-harassment fool while the time for the 'plan' to kick into action would come. Well, the day was just getting better and better. It would better work. "I hate you people," he said and hung up, turning back to Alma and glaring at him sceptically.

"Aren't you going to invite me in?" the sexual-harassment idiot grinned as if everything was just perfect. "There's still time, you know~ I picked the most awesome movie, by the way, I'm sure you'll love it!"

"Not." Kanda rolled his eyes and grudgingly stepped back in. "Fine, you can come in. TOUCH ANYTHING AND YOU DIE, though." Alma immediately fluttered into the apartment, and the door closed.

Unfortunately, the commotion had apparently woken up Kanda's almost-obsessive guardian, who now wandered out of the kitchen in a pink bathrobe ornamented with flower blossoms and blobs, cleaning his glasses with one hand and somehow balancing a cup of coffee in another, and looked at them.

"Is that another friend of yours, Yu-sugarpoo?" Tiedoll asked kindly and put his glasses on, eyeing the other person suspiciously because he didn't let his children befriend just anyone, no.

Kanda thought he was going to sink right through the floor. As if it wasn't bad enough Tiedoll saw Alma, the moron saw Tiedoll too, dressed in THAT thing, _and_ heard him use that.. horrid.. thing of a nickname. Normally, the Japanese wouldn't give a damn about what Alma thought of his household, but he just knew the brat was going to pick it up. Or something worse. He swore.

"Yes, mister," Alma beamed sweetly and it almost made Kanda sick. But that wasn't the end yet. "You must be Yu's dad? He talks so much about you!" Blatant, blatant lie, summed up with an almost sparkling smile that outshined the grumpy Japanese's almost vomiting grimace. The bastard damn well knew what he was doing.

Tiedoll paid no attention to Kanda's genuinely shocked and dumbfounded expression and almost squealed, and rushed up to ruffle Kanda's hair. "Really?" he chirped, and that joy had to be illegal. "You're such a sweetheart, Yu! You could have told me too you know, after all those years I asked you to call me Dad~"

"He's making shit up," Kanda hissed poisonously and pried himself out of the mesmerized guardian's arms. However that didn't seem to work.

"Ah, always in denial, so cute. But it's okay, it's okay Yu, I understand~"

"Ah, Yu, wait!" Alma called out, flailing a little as Kanda stomped towards the stairs to his room and Tiedoll rubbed his almost-twisted arm, tears of glee and happiness still in his eyes. "You haven't taken your present yet!"

Tiedoll's eyes widened a bit as he finally noticed what Alma was holding, "Oh, you're _that_ kind of friend," he said, once again a bit suspiciously and glanced up at Kanda, "Dear, weren't you, er, dating that red-haired kid?" No, he wasn't too comfortable with the whole homosexual thing because he was, after all, rather old, but if that was what Yu wanted, he didn't mind. He still wanted cute grandchildren though, sigh.

"I _am_," Kanda growled, actually stopping - what was a mistake. The hell. A madman barging in with hands full of shit from bad romance novels didn't mean he had broken up, fuck no. But try to explain that to idiots.

"They're having trouble at the moment," Alma explained cheerily and received a smack over the head, sniffing at that but continuing, "So I'm here to cheer Yu up~"

Kanda twitched heavily as the idiot caught his sleeve and he was then presented with a bunch of red roses, a box heart-shaped chocolates and a small gift bag, which was revealed to accommodate a nice new silky hairband (which, too bad, had "Alma loves Yu" imprinted on it, and that was _Lavi_'s favorite namepun, dammit) when he opened it. It had to be the damn _worst_ moment ever, and he was glad when it was over - or rather, when he interrupted it by grabbing everything - he didn't bother to explain he _doesn't eat fucking chocolates_ (Lavi would know that..), just wanting to be _gone_ as soon as possible - and stormed upstairs into his room, locking the door behind himself and, when several annoying knocks resounded, snarling he wasn't coming out until it was the damn _time to go_.

::

"You think he'll come?" Lenalee asked with a bit of concern, eyeing Allen. "Maybe I should call him again..."

Allen just chuckled before managing a reassuring smile. "I'm sure he will. He's just in denial, but he knows he needs our help."

"I hope so."

"Now to set everything up with Lavi.." he mumbled with a sigh, picking his cellphone again and dialing the redhead's number. Gah, all this trouble and waste of time he's doing for that grouchy good-for-nothing of a friend. Why did he even agree to it? Oh yeah, Lenalee asked him to. Oh well.

::

Those several hours were possibly horrible and maybe close to the worst moments of his life, not that Kanda really recalled that many. He could actually _hear _what was happening out there, and so, as the time to re-emerge from his safe burrow was closing in, he knew that Alma had in fact done the laundry, vacuumed and cleaned the house, polished the windows and helped Tiedoll make dinner, and the chatting and yacking became more and more recent, and when Kanda finally sneaked out of his room, heavily irritated, his guardian and the goddamn stalker were already best friends, and in the worst case scenario within the Japanese's imagination, discussing how to make him marry one of them or something.

What, luckily, wasn't true, but the reality didn't seem much better.

"So, what are you planning to study once you graduate?" Tiedoll asked friendly, not yet noticing a sour Kanda descending down the stairs. He and Alma were comfortably sitting on the couch in the lounge, sipping tea from tiny pots like a pair of old ladies who smelled like cats and vinegar.

Alma beamed again. How didn't his cheeks get sore? "I'm not sure yet, but I'm thinking about Psychology," he boasted, taking out a book from his bag - Kanda could have sworn the title read as 'How to make friends' or 'How to subtly let someone know you're interested' or something stupid like that and obviously Alma was failing miserably to apply the tips to his behaviour - and presenting it to Tiedoll. "I'm rather good with these things, I've been interested in it for a while now~"

Unfortunately, Tiedoll looked impressed.

Even worse, he finally saw Kanda and waved at him with a loving smile.

"Psychology is a lot more prestigious speciality than history, don't you think Yu?" he asked kindly, and Kanda felt like stuffing the guardian's mouth shut with one of his paintings, because that was obviously another jab at him and Lavi, who loved history above all subjects and most things overall. He didn't fucking care how much money it would earn, dammit. It's not like he was moving out the next day to live with his- come to think of it, the thought didn't seem so bad anymore.

"We go now," he stated dryly, lifting Alma from the couch by his ear and dragging him towards the door. The latter just blinked and yelped, and tugged on Kanda's ponytail in return, but soon he was behind the door. Again.

"One moment, Yu," Tiedoll called out, getting up and walking towards the door as well. Shit, Kanda thought. The guardian gave an apologetic 'it won't take long' look to Alma and closed the door, looking at his 'son' with whom he was now left in private. "Why are you so mean with.. Alma, was it? He's such a nice guy and seems to like you very much. Maybe you should give him a chance." Kanda groaned.

"You don't know him. Shut up."

"But I know what I see, Yu - why doesn't.. Lavi, right? help with the chores when he comes here? If you end up living with him, you'll have to take care of everything and he'll just sit there with a beer and a newspaper because I doubt he'd get a normal job with his qualifications.."

Kanda looked like he would bite Tiedoll's head off any moment, but managed to make himself ignore the stupid second half of the sentence (because he was still in high school, dammit.. ..and Lavi _already_ had work offers). "He _tried_ to help," he reminded bitterly. "You told him to never do anything around here again after he broke your Antique Chinese vase."

"Well, isn't that just as bad as not helping? He-"

"You should have known better than to hand a broom this long to someone who obviously has trouble with depth perception. In case you forgot, he's great in preparing food and dusting off high shelves."

"That's still a problem, you know you could find someone who doesn't have any physical disability, dear-"

Kanda glared daggers at Tiedoll and the latter silenced. "He's managing perfectly well," he stated. "Besides. I like him." Long, determined glare. That should do it. The guardian looked at him for a while and then sighed.

"I just want you to be happy, Yu," he mumbled.

"Good. Then stop annoying me."

Tiedoll was about to ask what was Kanda doing going out with Alma if what he said was the case, but the teen was already gone.

::

As soon as they were in the hallway, Kanda felt hands on himself and breath against his lips, and without any hesitation drove his knee up the other teen's groin. Alma yelped and let go of him, and so he dragged the grimacing stalker downstairs and out into the street.

"Why didn't you show my 'dad' this side of yours, huh?" he hissed, glaring. He didn't give a crap, he was a man for fuck's sake and a strong one at that, it wasn't that difficult for him to defend himself from any sexual harassment, but it was annoying and he really didn't want any of it.

"That's personal stuff," Alma sniffed. "I thought you liked me, Yu."

Not with that again. "I did - as a friend - until you started coming onto me, you buffoon." And that was true. Kind of. "I can't stand your fucking presence and that's your own damn fault."

"But you're gay."

"No shit, Sherlock. Doesn't mean I'll go for every fucking ass there is, does it?"

Sadface on the idiot. "...You mean you don't want to squeeze my perfectly rounded buttock?"

Splutter that's supposed to symbolize projectile vomit. "SHIT. HELL. NO. Say something like that again and I'll push you under a moving car."

"Well, what does Lavi have that I don't?"

"The question would be what you have that he doesn't, and that would be unhealthy stalker tendencies. Aren't you interested in _Psychology_? You should know what that means. Now shut up and be glad I'm spending _any_ time with you _at all_. Moron."

Eventually, after more slight bickering and whining, they got on a bus that would take them to the mall the cinema was located in.

::

Kanda eyed the poster sceptically; it had a pale guy and an average girl on it and was rather dark and depressing, and for some reason still smelled of bad romance novels, in which case he would definitely not like it.

"This is the 'awesome' movie you picked?" he asked dryly.

"Yes," Alma beamed. "I'm sure you'll LOVE it, Yu. Oh look, here are our friends!"

When Kanda saw Lavi, Allen and Lenalee just a few meters away, he thought he was going to _die. _Or just sink through the floor straight into hell. And it was even worse when Lavi saw him and waved him over with a happy smile which fell the moment he spotted Alma next to the Japanese teen.

Just great.

"..I didn't know you like this kind of movies, Yu," Lavi finally mumbled, giving Alma a rather examining glare. Most of the time he and Yu went to the movies, it was some sort of action with explosions or historical battles, depending whose day to pick it was. And now here's Yu at the same sappy romance film he was talked into seeing, and if that's not enough, there's _someone else_ with him. Danger.

Kanda twitched a bit. "I don't," he said bitterly. But obviously, for the moment Lavi decided he was just in denial, because he often was, but not on things like this dammit. Allen and Lenalee apparently decided to be considerate and not participate in the conversation for now.

"That's.. so sweet," Lavi tried to coo, sending another suspicious (and actually somewhat jealous) glance at Alma and then sparkling his eye at Yu. "Let's sit together."

Alma grinned and put an arm around Kanda before he could answer almost forcefully, ignoring the sharp elbow that embedded itself into his ribs. "Sorry, eyepatch, I asked first," he stated smugly, and Lavi's expression fell more.

Allen and Lenalee shared a glance and started dragging Lavi towards the entry into the cinema. "Come on, we don't want to be late," Allen pointed out with a beaming fake smile. Lavi only managed to mouth one helpless "YU!" before he was gone in the dark and then dragged up to their seats.

That were two rows behind the supposed-pair, what meant Lavi was going to see them. And stare longingly at Yu and _glare_ (yes he actually was capable of that too) at Alma, hard enough for the latter to feel the hateful eye on the back of his head what caused him to scratch it from time to time, hoping the burning would go away. For some reason, this time the Lavi torture brought absolutely no satisfaction for Kanda. He just wanted this to end as soon as possible, but..

Movie time.

It sucked.

After good fifteen minutes, Kanda still had no idea what was going on in the screen, but whatever it was, he was sure it wasn't anything good. It mostly included close-ups of pale guy with issues who was as far from attractive in Kanda's eyes as it could get, close-ups of average-looking dumb girl, or close-ups of them both, either flying, sitting in a tree or just... somewhere, followed by the most ridiculous romance lines that had ever touched the Japanese's poor ears and brought him closer and closer to the edge of vomiting on whoever was unlucky enough to sit in front of him.

Or, better yet, on Alma, because he made him watch this. FUCKING GO DIE.

"I can't get over how much in love we are, and how good it feels to be so very much in love," the screen said with yet another close-up of the two random stupid people, and it was traumatizing.

The fact that there was suddenly an arm around him and a hand reaching for his ass didn't make it any better. Kanda hissed and backhanded Alma's face with a fist. And no, that wasn't a punch of love. Just a punch.

Alma yelped silently, however didn't remove his hand, and the thud caused people around turn towards them, and Kanda shrunk a little in his chair. Drawing attention to himself definitely wasn't something he wanted. But he didn't want to just ignore the sexual assault either, because letting Alma do what he pleased was just wrong and GAH. He was NOT going to make out with someone he hated in a movie he couldn't stand.

The hand on his ass made a squeeze, and then there were Alma's lips next to his ear, and what was the most horrifying, they were whispering _in fucking unison with the goddamn screen _(just how many times this damned maniac stalker had watched this?). "Pay attention to me, my love. I want you to keep me and only me in your thoughts. I'm all yours, forever. And today is our day."

"HELL NO. IT'S NOT. STAY THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME." So he didn't care about the people anymore. He got up, drove his fist at Alma's nose and stomped off, and yes, he was getting the fuck out of the damn movie because it was shit and he wanted no part of it.

And he left, ignoring the screen which was now yelling "I'm yours, all yours, now and always" in a sickeningly solemn, theatralic manner, and only breathed a sigh of relief when he was out in the hallway.

::

As soon as the movie started, Lavi had hunched over Allen's shoulder, whining and sobbing - though that was probably mostly fake - and not letting him nor Lenalee actually see the movie, though they possibly would have been grateful for that if they had seen it.

"Yu doesn't love me anymore," Lavi wailed into Allen's clean shirt, and the latter grimaced when he heard what sounded like the redhead blowing his nose at it. "What happened? What did I do? I want my Yu back, please help me Alleeeeeeennnn!"

The white-haired teen carefully tried to push Lavi off into a decent distance however failed. "Well, maybe you brought in on yourself," he pointed out, glancing at Lenalee with a look that clearly read as WHY ME?, as he had to carry on with the.. plan, was it. "Did you always pay him enough attention? You know how much of a drama queen that bastard is. Or maybe you repeatedly did something he didn't like," he carefully guided the conversation towards the problem, though every moment he was less and less sure why he was actually doing this.

"I wouldn't!" Lavi sobbed dramatically, and for a moment Allen was sure the movie was getting to him. It sure as hell sounded way more tragic than could genuinely be. "H-he might have gotten more angry with me than usual when I was messin' around, b-but that's just my nature and-"

Sigh. God would better pay him back lots of _money_ for this 'good' achievement. "Messing around how?"

"I dunno. Just.. flirting?" Lavi's eye suddenly went wide. "You think that's what upset him?"

"Possibly," Allen said very blankly, because he could actually understand that perfectly well even if sympathizing with Kanda was the last thing he'd ever want, ugh. Just who would like the person who's in a relationship with you to flirt around with others? Sheesh. They were _both_ idiots. Obviously.

Well, happy idiots. Most of the time. Whatever.

Lavi stared at Allen for a moment, then hung off him again.

"I didn't mean to," he wailed once again a bit overly dramatically. "Aaaaalleeeeeeeen, what do I do?"

Finally the other boy twitched a little. "First, stop wetting my shirt," he muttered a little darkly. "And then.. just make it up to him? _Pay attention_ to him or something, I don't know. You should ask him, he doesn't look too happy there. Not that he ever does, the stuck-up buffoon."

Lavi blinked, looking up and just when his gaze locked on Yu, the latter screamed at who was sitting next to him and stomped out.

Opportunity arises and doesn't repeat itself~

"Isorry kid," he muttered to Allen and jumped up, following the irritated figure out of the cinema, not noticing another shadow run behind him as well.

::

Kanda turned his head rapidly when the door of the exit opened again, but seemed almost a bit relieved to see Lavi, and just eyed him with a bitter look. "What," he stated in his usual tone that didn't know of questioning intonations.

Lavi pulled his lip a bit to look more pitiful. "Look, Yu, I don't know who that guy is but-"

"..Nobody. He's nobody. Crazy-ass stalker, a distant relative of the nephew of my guardian's aunt's sister's boyfriend. Just let the bastard tag along out of pity, bad idea."

"- oh." Wasn't Yu talkative. At least he didn't seem to like that guy, so maybe there was a chance. "Well. What I meant to say. I'm sorry I was an asshole. And.. er, flirting with those people." The sad look in his eye was genuine this time. "I- I didn't know you _really_ didn't like it, I mean you complain about _everything_ and- How was I supposed to know? Look, I'm sorry. I'll.. try not to do it again. Come back to me?" A bit silly hopeful grin.

Kanda's expression easened a bit. "Well, if you promise-" He didn't finish as the door opened again, and yes, this time it was Alma. Again. "THE SHIT."

Alma send Kanda a smile and a slight glare at Lavi. "Yu came with me," he said, almost a little threateningly. The redhead cowered a little, but glanced at Kanda and then looked back at Alma with a bit more determination.

"Well, he's leaving with me," he stated.

"I knew him longer."

"I know him better."

"He's going with me."

"No, he's going with me."

Twitch. "SHUT UP. STOP FUCKING FIGHTING OVER ME. _I_ FUCKING DECIDE WHOM I GO WITH."

Both bickering teens blinked and turned to look at Kanda with wide eyes. Well, for some reason that didn't cross their minds, but.. that was logical. Really. The next moment, they both one after another got a nice, firm kick in the ass. Lavi looked teary, and Alma forcefully lowered a clenched fist, fighting the urge to hit back.

"I'll take better care of you than that wuss," he stated.

And then, finally, Lavi's microscopic pride decided it was enough and snapped. "Hey," he said, frowning, and punched Alma in the face. Kanda snorted and stepped closer, while Alma rubbed his nose, glaring at the two. The Japanese pointed over his shoulder.

"Look, that girl. I think she likes you."

Alma blinked and turned to look, spotting a girl with brown hair and a fancy dress, sighing at the poster of the movie. "I was late.." she muttered sadly. Alma looked back only to see Kanda and Lavi already gone; he twitched at that but did advance towards the girl.

"Have you seen it before?" he asked, trying to sound comforting, because it really was such a nice movie... Yu's own fault for not appreciating it, seems they had less in common than he originally thought.

"Only twenty seven times," the girl answered, her eyes sparkling a little when she took a good look at Alma.

Alma's eyes started sparkling too. "Me too!" he cried, holding out his hand. "How about making it twenty-eight...for the both of us?"

"Of course!" the girl agreed gleefully, taking his hand. Her smile was beautiful and reminded Alma of his own for some reason. "You're so romantic~"

And they proceeded towards the tickets window, holding hands and sparkling in magnificence.

::

"Well, that's taken care of," Kanda grumbled, carefully eyeing the pair leave the area from behind a corner, then turning back at Lavi. "So, you were saying?"

Lavi beamed. "I'm yours, all yours, now and always!" he cried, throwing his arms around the grumpy Japanese. And getting his stomach punched _hard_, forcing him to let go of Yu and gape for a moment.

"If you ever quote anything from that fucking movie again, I'll maim you until you stop moving," Kanda hissed, and he obviously _meant_ it. "I fucking HATE IT. Remember that." Lavi nodded and wiped the tears away, grinning.

"Gotcha, boss. Couldn't help it."

"Che."

Lavi scratched his head. "So...you're not angry anymore?" he asked a bit sheepishly.

"Che," Kanda repeated, because that had to be the most expressive word in his dictionary, and absently moved his hand towards Lavi's, lacing their fingers together. After today's nightmare, he could have ran to the redhead screaming SAVE ME, it just wasn't a Kanda thing to do. That didn't change the point though; he wasn't angry anymore.

Lavi smiled widely, tightening his fingers around Kanda's hand a bit. "What now then?" he asked. "Do you want to walk around? There are some nice shops in 'ere. I've seen this really nice lotus flower planted in a round vase, and I want to buy you something~ The shopkeeper said you can keep fish in it too, as long as it's not a digging kind, they're silent and would match your room. How 'bout it?"

Kanda shrugged a bit. "Seeing it won't hurt," he grumbled. He didn't really want nor need any gifts, but if Lavi thought this was an opportunity, then whatever. As long as they got to spend some time together.

And he couldn't help but feel happy about it, and hold Lavi's hand a bit more firmly, too.

::

"So, they all ditched us," Allen said blankly once the movie was over and he and Lenalee moved towards the exit. He spotted what looked like Alma with some girl walking in, that probably meant Lavi and Kanda had made up, so.. all good. He was so going to remind them of that favour, though. "Any ideas?"

Lenalee shrugged, smiling a bit, she probably had similar thoughts, except that reminding of a favor thing because she was simply happy to do favors to her friends and of course she would stop Allen from trying to get any benefits out of it if she could. "Since we're already here, we could go somewhere too," she suggested.

Allen smiled at that, and then scratched his head a bit because he really had no idea what they should do. Was this a date? Hopefully not, he didn't want to experience Komui rage. But - oh well. "How about catching another movie?" he suggested. "Something nicer. Like.. a comedy?"

"Sure," Lenalee agreed with a small nod, then laughed a little. "Not just yet though, I want to walk for a little while." She didn't want her legs to start feeling numb, even if going to a movie with Allen sounded great.

"Then let's go around for a bit."

And so they did, also during the time managing to buy a new miniskirt for Lenalee and a new old-fashioned shirt for Allen, with a lot of giggles and not-peeking into the dressing rooms along the way, before they disappeared in the darkness of the cinema once more.

::

Tiedoll looked a little surprised when it was Lavi again that came to their house. He was quite glad when he noticed that Yu seemed content rather than irritated this time. Maybe he did know what he was doing. So, after greeting the redhead, he left the two alone and went to fix himself some tea while the youth tiptoed upstairs to Kanda's room and closed the door.

The vase with the lotus flower and two orange fish was now standing on the shelf in a place with enough light, and it _did_ look well and somewhat calming there. And of course, the fish were the kind that didn't need too much care other than an occasional feed, and they've gotten a bag of food for starters as well, Lavi claiming that he now had a reason to go to Yu's every day to see if their 'dear children' are doing well, what of course earned him another punch in the ribs but nothing more than that.

"I'm so happy you're not angry anymore, Yuuu!" Lavi sniffed as soon as they were sitting on the bed, hugging the Japanese, who grunted and elbowed him in the side, not really hard or anything though. The redhead let go, trying to look like a kicked puppy for a moment, but a wide smile shone through moments after. "I love Yu~"

Kanda snorted silently, his expression easening a little. He spotted the chocolates that Alma had brought before and after a moment's hesitation (that guy wouldn't spike them with some home-made love potion, would he? Kanda felt safer when he saw the package was air-tight straight from a shop) pushed it towards Lavi, who raised an eyebrow.

"What's that? Surely you weren't preparing for anything, Yu?" He received a light smack on the head. It didn't hurt, but it served as a reminder it actually happened.

"A gift from the fans," the other teen grumbled, scoffing a bit. "Doesn't look like it's poisoned, so it'd be a shame to let it go to waste."

Lavi snorted a bit, picking the box up and inspecting it a bit suspiciously, then tearing the plastic, opening it and looking inside. "Oooh, hearts," he drawled. "Or, if you look that way," he turned the box around, "tiny round ass replicas. Kinky." He got another smack, a little harder this time. "Okay okay, just teasin'. You'll tell me when you want to get kinky, right Yu-poo?" And another one. Huh, was Kanda's ears just a little redder than before? Lavi rubbed his head with a small pout.

Oh well, that time would come, he could tell from Kanda's getting-more-embarrassed-than-angry antics lately, but he wasn't in any hurry or anything, they were so young and innocent, hehe~

"Lesse." He took one chocolate and popped it into his mouth, closing his eye and nodding after a moment. "Not bad~" He took another one. "Hey Yu~"

"Hmm?" Kanda had already gotten himself comfortable, leaning against the pillow and now eyed Lavi a bit questioningly. The redhead smiled and held out a chocolate.

"Try one~"

Dry look. "No."

Lavi pouted a little and stuffed it into his own mouth, his eye then suddenly gleaming. "Then give me a kiss," he cooed, leaning closer to Kanda and before the Japanese could protest, their lips met. The redhead licked at the other teen's lips a bit, burying his hand in the latter's hair, and deepened the kiss as soon as he got the chance. And then, as the sly bastard he was, he pushed the melting chocolate into Kanda's mouth and pulled away, smiling widely at the other's shocked-and-grossed-out look.

"You're disgusting," Kanda hiss-snarled, looking like he would spit the chocolate any moment but apparently, after taking in his clean sheets and floor, decided that the lesser evil would be to actually chew and swallow it. And so he did.

"And you love it," Lavi purred, flopping down next to Kanda and resting his head on the latter's shoulder, this time not even receiving any physical violence. Apparently that was true. He looked up at his love's sour face, smiling playfully. "Ya know Yu, maybe you're so bitter most of the time because you don't eat any sweets?" A light elbow jab, but he just snickered. "Come on, one more. For me?" He held out the chocolate and eventually Kanda reluctantly opened his mouth again, allowing the redhead to put the sweet in. What he did, looking like he was just crowned king of the world or something.

Kanda still looked bitter, though less than usual, and glared at Lavi a bit. "You're persistent," he grumbled and lazily swallowed the chocolate, but he didn't really sound annoyed. Maybe there was truth in what the redhead said about the sweets.. he still wasn't eating any more of it.

He grunted silently when Lavi put his arms around him and nuzzled his neck lightly, and he absently raised one hand to scratch behind the redhead's ear, what made the latter's nose twitch a little a couple of times, and he snorted softly.

"Rabbit," he added fondly for good measure.

"Your rabbit," Lavi chirped, moving one of his legs - which had idiotic all-colours-of-the-rainbow striped socks on - over Kanda's to entwine it and grabbing the other teen's free hand to lace their fingers together. "Don't scare me like that again, Yu, I promise I'll be a good lil' rabbit and not piss you off...more than you like it," he added with a grin, receiving just a grumble which might as well been an approval.

There was a knock on the door, but neither of them moved, and Tiedoll brought in two cups of tea, blinking a bit but then smiling warmly at the sight. He was almost a bit surprised when he saw chocolate on Yu's lips. Did Lavi actually manage to... He smiled. "Can you make him eat vegetables too, Lavi?"

The redhead grinned. "I'll try, mister," he cooed. The man was a bit.. eccentric, to say the least, but clearly Yu cared about him too, well, in the Yu way. "Want my Yu-chan healthy too, don't I?" He received another light punch and laughed lightly, Kanda just grumbling but not getting any more abusive.

Well, that was definitely something, Tiedoll decided. He put the tea on the table and left again with a small wave and a "Be good, boys". When seeing them like that, he really had no more doubts about Yu's choice.

"By the way," Lavi drawled, raising one leg up so his jeans slid back to uncover the socks more, "It's exactly a year and you've got them on too again. Does that mean Yu loves me too?" He grinned happily and sat up, grabbing a cup of tea and handing one to Kanda as soon as the latter was comfortably sitting cross-legged.

"Che," Kanda grunted, and Lavi beamed as he knew that must have meant 'yes'. "Just thought it's a nice tradition, that's all."

"We did buy it together," the redhead cooed, leaning forth to peck Yu's lips, then taking a sip of his tea and looking at him warmly, and the look got returned, even if the words weren't just as loving - but that was just how Yu was;

"After you whined the brains out of me."

"You know your tiny, loving, queer side loves the hell out of it."

"Che."

Kanda had exactly the same socks on.

The room seemed colourful and warm despite of it being very simple and orderly, and the smell of tea only decorated it further. Maybe even monochromatic surroundings could be lit up when there were two people in love sitting there, silently talking, kissing and smiling: one visibly, both by the heart.

::

::

**THE END**

::


End file.
